One day I hope to get to tell her this as part of her story.

The foster child they called about 3 weeks ago? We said no. After a lot of back and forth, a lot of prayers, and a LOT of tears, we decided it wasn’t what was best for our family. It was a decision that my husband and I were torn about, we were on different pages about, and one of us wanted to say yes when the other one wanted to say no. But, we are a team. And we agreed going into foster parenting that is we weren’t on the same page, we weren’t going to say yes.

We made a choice before we ever got placement calls that we were going to be both all in, or not at all. Anything less wasn’t fair to the child, and it wasn’t going to be a good move for our marriage. We learned that the hard way when we did foster care 10 years ago as a young married couple.

Anyway. We said no, when we should have said yes.

And, just like little children guided by a loving Father, we were handed the consequences of disobedience.

Cue more tears, internal struggles, and lots of wrestling with what we do from here. Then, lots and lots of praying.

Three weeks later (which happened to be last weekend) they texted again, just to say “they haven’t found a home for her yet. Just letting you guys know”.

That has only happened one other time. They don’t usually call back about placements you say no to.

But this was different. Because the Lord heard the cries of his child, and He answered, with a second chance for us to say yes. A second chance for obedience.

“The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in love.
He does not always accuse,
nor will He harbor his anger forever.
He does not treat us as our sins deserve,
or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth
so great is His love for those who fear Him.
As far as the east is from the west,
so far has He removed our transgressions from us.

As a father has compassion on his children,
so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him;
for he knows how we are formed,
He remembers that we are dust.
The life of mortals is like grass,
They flourish like a flower of the field,
the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and it’s place remembers it no more.

BUT from everlasting to everlasting,
the Lord’s love is with those who fear Him,
and His righteousness with their children’s children-
with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.”
Psalm 103: 8-18 (emphasis mine)

Make no mistake, this is going to be hard. He’s already told me this. My first whispers from Him were that this was going to be H.A.R.D. like nothing we’ve done so far. Maybe even hard with no changed behavior, no requited love, no redemption story like our foster son.

But, God. Something has changed.

I don’t know what, and I still haven’t met her, but God has been moving. 2 weeks ago I was in the kitchen praying for her, singing the song the Lord gave me for her, and I just felt something shift in my spirit. I don’t know what happened that Tuesday night, but someone introduced her to the King of kings.

The promise I’m hearing now is to sing. That promise is for her, but it’s for me too.

Here’s mine, from Isaiah 54: “Sing, barren woman. You who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor, because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband”.

Sounds like a weird promise for a woman with kids and a husband, but the Lord spoke it very clearly to my heart after I had a miscarriage and lost our first child. He told me to start singing, even when things looked so very dark, because “He was bringing me my children”. It’s written down in a journal from 2011. My heavy heart was only hoping for one child, so the promise of children, plural, was more than I could even believe. But, He did. He brought a little foster baby, then two respite girls, then a biological daughter, then a biological son. Then, four years later, He started speaking that promise again to my heart. I’m bringing you your children. And He did – a foster son, and now a foster daughter.

What I wouldn’t give to show that tear-stained girl from ten years ago what life looks like now. Sing, barren woman. Because what you are now isn’t what you will be. The desolate places you are in now are not the end of your story. Trust Him.

Here’s hers: Sing, barren land. Water is coming to the thirsty. He gave me Isaiah 49:8-9 for her:

“In the time of my favor I will answer you,
and in the day of salvation I will help you;
I will keep you and will make you
to be a covenant for the people
to restore the land
and to reassign its desolate inheritances,
to say to the captives, “Come out!”
and to those in darkness, “Be free!”

I can’t wait to see what He does from here.