The Lord has been teaching me a lot lately about worry. I let my fear control me so often. I get anxious, and I start thinking the same things over and over, worrying like a hamster running on a wheel. I'm doing a lot of work, but I'm not going anywhere. I get off the hamster wheel and I'm exhausted, but I still haven't done anything and I'm no closer in the end to any kind of solution because I've worried about it. Last night, my oldest (foster) daughter came to me and said that she had missed too many days of wrestling practice and that the coach "went off" on her. Now, she's 16, so this could literally mean that he was talking to her sternly and she would have still been upset about it. But, she's worked really hard and has gone…

Things have been crazy here. I'm sure they have been for you too. We did end up taking that girl from respite care that I talked about here. It was just for a weekend, and I'll have to write a whole other post describing how it went. Then, we went on vacation with my family, and it was so very needed. We ended up getting to take our girl with us, which we didn't think was going to happen. Unexpected blessings all around. There have also been many unexpected moments of straight spiritual warfare, despair, worry, and fear. I hit the bottom and decided to just give up, that it wasn't worth trying to fight the enemy for a kid that didn't want to believe in Christ anyway. We were under so much attack (panic attacks, days of depression, job turmoil from both my…

I was reading this morning from Acts 9, and I noticed something today I've never noticed before. The story starts out with a man named Saul, in the early days after Jesus had died and rose again. The disciples were "turning the world upside down" going from town to town telling everyone about Jesus. They had a new message to get out to everyone; this Jesus wasn't just a prophet, wasn't just a healer, He was the Messiah - the One who was sent to save the Jews. This was revolutionary. The Jews believed that their Messiah was going to come one day and overthrow Rome, so this was huge news for them. Many people believed that Jesus was God and followed Him. Many did not. But the end result of this uproar was revival in the streets, and riots in the streets. This…

One thing I've been trying to do lately is listen to something - podcast, audiobook, etc. while I'm working. Lately, it's been Brene Brown while I'm mowing the grass. If you haven't heard her speak, you should definitely listen. Brene is a researcher who studies fear, shame, and vulnerability. I know, right? BUT, listening to her speak resonated with me on so many levels. Her work teaches people to be brave, to show up as their true selves, and to be able to be vulnerable with other people. These are all of the things I need in my life right now apparently because I could not stop listening. Here is Brene Brown's mantra for authenticity: "Choose discomfort over resentment". This means showing up as your true self, even if it's uncomfortable in the moment. Her example is showing up to her kid's school overwhelmed…

Sometimes, I'm stubborn. Hard to believe, I know. But I am. So many times my stubbornness gets in the way of what I should be doing, or what God is trying to do in my life. There have been times when I knew what God was asking me to do, and I've chosen not to. So many times when He's given me a bit more grace, and a second (or 3rd or 4th or 5th) chance to do what He's been asking me to do all along. It happens with almost every kid we say yes to in our house for foster care. There is always one of us that is on the fence or who is saying no. Sometimes, they call about a child, and we say no. It's not in our wheelhouse, we can't parent that level of need, we don't have…

Showing up here is starting to feel comfortable. I used to wake up, and come in early in the morning, and sit at my keyboard and stare at a blank screen with a blinking cursor. I would wonder what to write, if I was writing about the right stuff, if I should have just stayed in bed. I still wonder those things. I still struggle to get out of bed and show up here, not knowing what to write. Sometimes I struggle because I have a great idea for what to write, and the Lord says, "that's not what I asked you to say". Sometimes I still have to come to the end of myself, mess up big time, and start over. But it's getting more comfortable, this practice of coming out here in the dark, when no one else is awake, and it's…

How appropriate that today's foster care awareness month writing prompt is Married Parenting. Today was not my most shining moment. Today, I lost my sh*t on my husband. And he lost his too. In front of our kids. And our foster kid. And our neighbors probably. Yesterday was my daughter's birthday, and it was also a Tuesday, which is our busiest day of the week right now. I didn't even get to see my little birthday girl until 7:20 at night, other than for a few moments when she woke up. I was hauling a teenager to the other end of town to and from wrestling practice, then taking one of her friends home whose parents couldn't get there to pick her up. I missed my son's baseball game completely, I fed everyone cold chik-fil-a, and I took not quite baked all the way…

My God shall supply all your needs, according to His riches in glory. My God is the God who shows up. He's never once let me down or not come through when I needed Him. When we call, He answers. He did this thousands of years ago, over and over for His people. He showed up for Abraham - told Abraham He would make him the father of many nations, gave him a son even when he was so old it should have been impossible, and then God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son. This was a test of his loyalty, but Abraham didn't know that. He got up early in the morning, gathered the sticks for the fire, called for his only son, and together they started trudging up Mount Moriah. On the way, his son Isaac asked, "dad, where's our ram for…

"Sometimes love looks like sitting in the floor tearing tiny strips of construction paper to keep a lava lamp safe when it’s packed, because it’s not really about the lava lamp. Sometimes it means going to the mall to “ride the rides” even when you don’t have time for that, because you are down to the last few hours you have with someone. Sometimes grief looks like tears over eggs cooked the wrong way, because there are no words for how it feels to lose a brother. The hardest thing we have ever had to do is love someone with our whole hearts and then prepare to say goodbye. I’ll take all the prayers for today. Today I have to take this sweet, smart, funny, wonderful boy across the state. Three months ago we were strangers. Now, he’s my son. And today I have…

Foster parenting is hard. There is no way that you can do it alone, without some outside support or love or encouragement. You are going to need some resources. Whether it's a friend you can call and vent to when things are going terribly wrong, or a partner who helps you get kids ready in the mornings, or even a book to read to be able to deal with the situations that come up... you are going to need some resources. When my husband and I first became foster parents, 10 years ago, we got a call for a newborn baby, straight from the hospital. We had about 10 hours to get everything she would need ready. We had a car seat and a pack and play, and literally that was it. I remember calling the leader of our Sunday School class and just…