Foster parenting is hard. There is no way that you can do it alone, without some outside support or love or encouragement. You are going to need some resources. Whether it’s a friend you can call and vent to when things are going terribly wrong, or a partner who helps you get kids ready in the mornings, or even a book to read to be able to deal with the situations that come up… you are going to need some resources.

When my husband and I first became foster parents, 10 years ago, we got a call for a newborn baby, straight from the hospital. We had about 10 hours to get everything she would need ready. We had a car seat and a pack and play, and literally that was it. I remember calling the leader of our Sunday School class and just telling her what was going on, in complete overwhelm.

Two hours later, a steady stream of people stopped at our house, dropping off clothes and blankets and diapers for us, for a baby they had never met that wasn’t even ours.

Now, I’m not saying that you need a ton of friends who are willing to buy things and put them at your door. You can do foster care with no outside help at all. But it’s going to be really hard.

50% of foster parents quit in their first year.

That’s a huge number.

If you do this the right way, it is going to take all that you have. It will be the hardest, best thing you’ve ever done. It will also be something that makes you want to quit over and over, to pull out your hair and say “ENOUGH!” and go back to your normal, safe life.

You’ll need some cheerleaders, some people in the inside whose lives are just as crazy, to help you remember why you are doing this in the first place.

Friends, Family, and Facebook

So, my first recommendation for resources would be to find some tribe of people that can help support you through this. If you have family, use them. Lean on them. Let them come help you with laundry (I’m preaching to the choir because my mom has offered to come down and help several times and I’ve turned her down). Let them help watch your kids and catch up on sleep or dusting the house. If you don’t have family, that’s ok. Find some friends. If you don’t have family, or friends, or a partner to help you in this, and you feel totally alone, hit me up. Search instagram hastags, look on tik tok for creators with lives that look like yours, and follow them. Those algorithms will keep feeding you more people like that once you start looking. Facebook groups are also a great way to find people, although, consider yourselves warned – some of the mom groups on FB can be really intense. Also remember to keep info about your kids private, especially when sharing info on an online forum where not everyone is who they say they are.

Non-profit and Outside Resources

One of the very best things is to find other foster parents in real life that live near you that are on the same path. Check with your agency to see when they have meet ups, look for friends when you are doing your trainings, or see if there are churches or non-profits designed to help foster families in your area. My mom’s church does a really cool “foster parent’s night out” every so often. We have a non-profit foster closet in our town that allows people to donate gently used clothes and toys. When a family gets a new placement, they are able to come in and “shop” for items that they need. This can help a lot, especially when kids come straight into care with just an outfit or two. There are also churches in our area that provide meals for foster families that have new placements, as well as emergency kits for kids coming into care for the first time that include a sippy cup, blanket, and pair of pajamas.

Books and Trainings

There are some classes that you will have access to just through your agency or your local children’s services department, but in my humble opinion, it’s not quite enough. Those trainings (at least in our area) are all slightly repetitive, and they don’t always go in depth on some of the issues you may face. I think I’ve learned more in the discussion or chat areas of those trainings from other foster parents than from some of the trainings themselves.

However, I don’t think that means that you have to do this alone. There are some really great books and trainings that you can access outside of the provided material that can really be helpful. My favorite book(s) so far are regarding TBRI (Trust Based Relational Intervention). Find either of the two books by Karen Purvis, “The Connected Child” or “The Connected Parent” and start there.

Read anything and everything you can find about the effects of trauma on the brain, and how healthy, stable relationships can help the brain heal.

Lastly, if your house is anything like mine, girl you are gonna need some books on spiritual warfare. I’m going to recommend the book “The Invisible War” by Chip Ingram. This book is intense but so useful. We were in so far over our head with our first placement, and this one is turning out to be a similar story, different book. If you are new to the faith or you aren’t sure quite what’s going on, I’d recommend starting with “What if It’s True?” by Charles Martin. Also get yourself a good Bible and a good journal – you’re going to need them both.