“To him who knows what to do and does it not, to him it is sin.”

I am the world’s worst at talking myself out of things.

Seriously, I have so many good intentions, and I like to say, “I’ll be there” and then I talk myself out of it at the last minute every time. Even this, this being here and showing up and writing things down, is so hard for me to do consistently. The Lord told me to start writing years ago. But I talk myself out of it all the time. I make it out to be some huge thing in my brain and before I know it, it’s so big and scary and inconvenient and I can’t even bring myself to sit here and type.

Last week, I felt like I was supposed to be at a particular women’s gathering. I pushed myself and told them I would show up. I offered to bring food to try to force myself into a commitment to show up. And still, when I was getting ready to go, my husband got sick, and I started panicking.

I had to force myself to get in the car.

Then I had a panic attack, and I almost turned the car around and went home. I made it there, barely…scraping myself together and walking in late. But I made it. And it was amazing. I can’t imagine not having gone.

See, this past year (2020) was one for the books. The world shut down, we got used to being quarantined, I got comfortable staying at home. The less I went out, and the less I was around other people, the easier it became to stay home and not go out anymore.

And the more I stayed home, the harder it became to interact with other people when I was out. At the end of the year, some hard hard things hit us and some of our friends. And I realized that I hadn’t been there for them this year like I should have. I hadn’t shown up for gatherings or taco Tuesdays or called to check in on them….in a full year. I got stuck in my anxiety and my comfort. So I had to apologize. I’m trying to do better, to honor my commitments to show up, and I’ve got accountability now (because you better believe that they call me when I think about skipping out on them, and they tell me to get over myself and get my butt down there).

So yesterday, I was watching some youtube videos, and I came across one from Mel Robbins about how she pulled herself up out of a place of depression and anxiety.

She pretended NASA was in the room one morning, and counted 5….4…3…2…1, and then got up when the alarm went off instead of hitting snooze.

And the next morning she did it again.

And again.

In the clip, she explains why this particular action, counting down from 5, is so powerful and actually works. It interrupts the part of your brain that gets stuck in habit loops, the part of your brain that’s wired for fear to protect you from doing dangerous things. It interrupts that pattern, and moves the thought to your pre-fontal cortex, which is the part of your brain that forms new habits.

We have a 5 second window (maybe less for some people, she says) to do something before our brain tries to talk us out of it.

Counting up doesn’t work. You can start at 1 and go as high as you want, but if you start from 5 and count down to one, there’s a deadline that pushes you to act.

I realized as I watched and listened to her talk, that just like her, my life is made up of a series of tiny decisions. These decisions can either push me closer to the person I want to be, closer to Jesus, or they can carry me farther away. They can push me to be kinder and more empathetic, or more comfortable in my own bubble and more isolated from others.

So I’m starting the same thing. I’m counting backward and then I’m just doing the dang thing.

The Lord prompts you to make some extra soup and run it over to the lonely lady next door? Count backward and just start cooking. Even if you are busy. Even if you don’t know her name.

You see a homeless guy hanging out by Dollar Tree and you have $6 in your pocket? Count backward (maybe count backward from 3 for this one because 5 seconds might give you long enough to hesitate). Count backward and just go over there. Hand him the money even if you are scared. Even if you say something stupid. Even if.

Train your brain to do the hard things. Like Mel said, you are always only one decision away from a totally different life.